Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years, the maximum the judge could throw at him. Let’s go:
1. Why do they do that? The guy is in his early 100s (71 years old specifically) so even 20 years is a life sentence. What is the history of ridiculously long jail sentences? (FYI: The longest recorded prison sentence was for 7,109 years to 2 con men in Iran (of course) on June 15, 1969.)
2. Is it wrong of me that I feel bad for his wife? She’s probably one of those UES b*tches, but now she can’t even shop for cheese in peace.
3. Bernie Madoff = Lorne Michaels
4. In an interview in Vanity Fair, Madoff’s former secretary accused him of being, “a sexist, egomaniacal, short-tempered control freak.” The devil you say.
5. Um, I couldn’t think of anything to go with this picture but I still wanted to use it. Um, party’s over for Bernie?