Take 5: Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale

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Oh, my. Oh, my my my my my my myyyye. When was this shot? Last summer? A f*cking year ago? I mean, of course, these ladies and their trials are timeless, but they sat on this for a year? These girls don’t seem like the patient type.

Here we go…

1. Okay, so Teresa threw a table. Big whoop. Everyone I’ve ever met has thrown a table. At least she was classy enough to send her children out of the room first. You know, after she talked about f*cking her husband and her fake boobs (bubbies, fine, bubbies!) and her sore vagina.

2. Was it just the way it was shot or was Albie the only kid at the grown up table? Right? And next to Danielle who all but swallowed him up in her vagina two episodes ago.

3. Jackie, who knew? Good for you for getting a backbone but this was not the right time. And she looked so HAPPY about telling off Dina, which, must have been about always being the in law and not blood sister. “Where’s my invite to Atlantic City?!?!” And then Danielle mouthed, “Thank you” to her in the middle of the fight. Jackie, you chose the wrong side.

large_jacqueilne-laurita-real-housewives-of-new-jersey

4. Move over last episode of MASH and birth of Little Ricky on I Love Lucy, we’ve got another best moment in TV history. When Danielle brought out a copy of Cop Without A Badge at the table I gasped. Yeah, that’s Jersey right there. That’s some classic Beverly f*cking Merrill antics right there. A close second was seeing her daughters’ reactions to her “modeling” photos.

5. Caroline. Oh, Caroline. Let me tell you a-something. You tend to a-speak with a almost a-stutter. It’s a-effective but a a-weird. As I (proud) former NJ resident, I can tell you that saying “Time Out” really does work in getting people to chill for a second. That is not a joke. It’s the truth.

And then they all got pregnant!

Good bye my Turnpike Angels.

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One Response to “Take 5: Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale”

  1. Mary Ann Says:

    I believe that Caroline and Teresa are the two biggest bitches and troublemakers…That is all they do is gossip and downgrade people…Cunts!!!!

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