Joan Allen – SAG awards

Dear Joan Allen, I know it must be hard for an actress of a certain age in Hollywood. Your string of drama hits and award attention of the late 90s may have dried up a little. But keep at it. You are a cool lady. Remember when you masturbated in the bathtub and the tree caught on fire? Stop with the plastic surgery. This was you at the SAG awards

Kind of embarrassing. Age gracefully. You are still cool though, Joan Allen.
-the world

Kleenex Get Mommed

This is all sorts of terrible.

“Sitting around gets a little lame-o.”

Best Little Whorehouse in Texas…

This is a good movie. It’s about a whorehouse in TX and the zany things they go through. In the above clip, Miss Mona (Dolly Parton) is telling a room full of johns (and, presumably, the audience) how here whores are classy whores and not bad whores. Starting at 01:54 we hear about Miss Mona’s special no-no rules. One of the first ones is no tattoos because, “brands belong on cattle and that ain’t what we’re selling at Miss Monas.” BUT, the girl singing that line has a tattoo on her shoulder!

Oh irony, thy name is Best Little Whorehouse in Texas…

Taxi Cab Drivers Not Allowed to Use Cell Phones Anymore

Good News: Might be safer.

Bad news: They’ll have no one to talk to but YOU. Drunk you in the back of that cab listening to them tell you how they can’t use the phone.

Survivor: Coach vs. Russell

I like Survivor. I do. I can’t help it. Lately though, it seems like every season they have 1 player instead of 16 or 20 or whatever. Meaning, the entire focus (or at least a big chunk of it) is on one person. I think that the producers know the show is getting old (20 seasons!) so they like to have one person for America to root for or hate. (Or “love to hate.” I hate that expression. Or maybe I love to hate that expression.) This year it’s Russell who all the ads were calling “the biggest villain in Survivor history!!!.”

Last year it was Coach who, at the reunion show, Jeff Probst called, “The biggest villain in survivor history!!!!”

Come on. Although, I bet Coach is really pissed. Because the difference is they treated Coach like, “Oh, what a pompous buffoon! Don’t you just hate him America?”, while with Russell it’s, “He’s so smart and devious! Don’t you just hate him America?”

Here’s a look at some other Survivor players of the season from the past couple of years:
Sugar

James

Yau-Man

And my FAVORITE from the last few years:
Cirie

Although, again, I still miss you Colleen Haskell

Biggest Loser

I really like The Biggest Loser. But how many times can their friends/family back home throw them a huge party whenever they come visit home from the ranch? Every episode it’s like “And here’s your FAMILY! And FRIENDS! And BALLOONS!”

Whatever. Team Liz!

Gap Holiday Commercial (and Hillshire Farms too)

This commercial is weird. Okay, it is VERY catchy. And yes, those boots are cute. But still. Little ethnically diverse girls prancing and cheerleading around. It’s trying to be kinda sexual, right? Right? (Am I a pedophile?) And then at 0:11 seconds, mini-Hayden Panettiere does that “I’se gonna kills you” look to the camera.

On the other hand, I do like the Hillshire Farms “Go Meat” commerical alot.

BōF, Jury Duty!

Hooray!

featuring Alex Zalben, Jen Curran, Jonathan Desley, Maegan Hayward, Grace Helbig and Mark Normand!

Also, don’t miss the LIVE show tonight at the Upright Citizens Brigade tonight at 9:30!

Survivor’s Natalie vs. Project Runway’s Althea

Are they same person?

Althea

Natalie

Eh, all white people look the same to me.

PEOPLE names Johnny Depp Sexiest Man ALIVE!

AM New York (free newspaper, woot woot) had an article about it which started like this: “He’s one pirate we wouldn’t mind walking the plank for.”

What does that mean exactly? Obviously, she meant it like “Wowza! That Johnny Depp, you know the one who starred in those pirate movies, is real sexy.” But still…

Here’s the wikipedia (free online encyclopedia, woot woot) definition of “walking the plank”

Walking the plank was a form of murder or torture thought to have been practiced by pirates, mutineers and other rogue seafarers. The victim was forced to walk off the end of a wooden plank or beam extended over the side of a ship, falling into the water to drown, sometimes with bound hands or weighed down, often into the vicinity of sharks (which would often follow ships).

Johnny Depp is that sexy? “He’s one pirate we wouldn’t mind being tortured and murdered by.”

Come on!